A Scripture that I have been thinking about lately is from the Old Testament book of Zephaniah Chapter 3: “The Lord will rejoice over you with gladness. He will quiet you by His love. He will exalt over you with loud singing.” My testimony is that God first sang over me before I ever sang praise to God. I am struck by that picture of the Lord singing loudly over those He has redeemed. It reminds me of my favorite character from Lord of the Rings - Tom Bombadil. In that book Tom is the most powerful character in the story. However, most (maybe all?) of Tom’s dialogue is in the form of singing. He sings joyfully everywhere he goes, unafraid of his enemies. That joy and peace are contagious in the story.
My eyes were first awakened to the Good News of Jesus Christ in a context where I was struggling with a lot of fear and anxiety. I am especially thankful for our savior’s commands to not be afraid, whether to the women on resurrection morning or to Israel in the Old Testament. I had finished high school very discouraged about myself. I felt like I could not be a Christian because I had failed to live up to my standards that I judged everyone else by. I was raised around the Bible. I knew how God wanted me to live, but I felt crippled by shame and fear. However, God did something surprising.
The Lord connected me to a college ministry in 1999 after high school where I first believed the Good News. I loved the singing during their worship, the teaching centered on the Good News of Christ, and the loving community there. Another Scripture that stands out to me from that time is from Isaiah 40: “Have you not known? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He does not faint or grow weary; his understanding is unsearchable.”
After transferring to a new university, I found another college ministry and a local Church to join. Actually, the first healthy Church I ever joined was in 2002: Christ the King in Raleigh, North Carolina. Both the church and college ministry were part of the Presbyterian Church in America. These Presbyterians used the word “Reformed” which was a word I had not heard before except in contexts like “reform school” or “reforming healthcare.” During this time, I grew to love the Reformed Christian tradition even though being nondenominational was more in vogue at the time. Over the years my favorite authors have been John Calvin, Martin Lloyd Jones, Francis Turretin, Samuel Rutherford, and John Owen. Actually, I love lots of new modern books too!
It’s impossible to summarize my spiritual journey in one page. Significant spiritual “aha moments” were seminary, getting married to Lisa, the birth of each of each of the children, dealing with chronic back problems, and overwhelming challenges with Church planting. Several things the Lord has taught me over the years are the following: asking for help, staying in Christian fellowship especially with other brothers, regular exercise, memorizing Scripture, giving thanks for the peace and freedom I have with God in Christ, and looking to Christ in faith always. I would love to share more of my story if anyone wants to learn more! I want to end with this quote that means a lot to me from St Augustine.
Late have I loved you, O beauty so ancient yet ever new! Late have I loved you! Behold, you were within and I was out abroad, searching there for you…You were with me, but I was not with you…You called, you shouted, and you burst open my deafness. You flashed, you shone in radiance, and you drove away my blindness. You breathed forth your fragrance, and I drew my breath and sighed for you. I tasted, and now I hunger and thirst. You touched me, and I burned for your peace. -Confessions of St. Augustine, Book 10