BAAA! (translation: “Here again?!?)

The valley of the shadow of death. Why does it seem I spend the majority of my life in or near this place? I sure could do with those “green pastures” and “still waters” the shepherd mentions in this song he keeps trying to teach me. 

I’ve gone into this valley too many times to count. Each time, I enter with another of the shepherd’s sheep and they don’t come out. I entered with my mom. I entered with my dad. I entered with my son. And I know one day I will enter and not come out.

I wrestle with how I end up in this place. Is it the natural course of things? Is it karma or fate? Am I here through my own agency? Does the shepherd lead me here over and over again for some purpose?

Yet I notice something new in the song this time around. Or it shimmers in a way it hasn’t before. “You are with me.” Here in this valley every time I have been in it. You are there. It is the one place in the whole psalm that you explicitly say you are.

How can that be? It’s the least likely of places. Is it perhaps because you, the Good Shepherd, passed through it yourself? That you tasted all that this valley holds and not only bore it but overcame it? That you entered into it and you did come out?

And does that mean that one day each of your sheep who has entered that valley will rise from it? That there will be a reunion and the whole of your flock through the ages will be one and together? And can a sheep like me dare to dream of a day when there will no longer be a valley of the shadow of death? 

Is this what you are calling me to trust and to surrender to? Not the avoidance or denial of the valley but that the life you offer is a life that has overcome the valley? That it is no longer a place to fear? That the valley is part of your kingdom that you rule and reign? That even if you are the one who leads me into it, your goodness and mercy follow me there?

BAA!  BAA!! (I believe; help my unbelief)